Energy in lack has a similar impact as energy in excess… well at least as it relates to our humanness.

Is fucking simply just making love to hard? If so, what point does it transcend to an unhealthy power grab spiraling with control?

Unfortunately, ‘making love’ is typically interpreted as relating to a sexual context. I would like that to be more broadly different and I have begun that redefinition/association within myself.

We all have the opportunity each day to infuse our movements, words, actions, voice, hugs, and smiles with the energy of love. For me this is often experienced as a slowing of the moment to really tune into the space in front of me…. being all there here. A gentle partial smile of my left lips cracks above the parallel horizon of my lips. A slight rise that moves my cheek up, narrowing my eyes in the muscle contraction. It is almost like I am instinctively narrowing my vision in that eye, creating more focus like a subtle but significant focusing of a lense. Shortly after the right lips raise into a Buddhaish grinish smile that seems to be a wildly intersection of Contentment, Curiosity, and Delight.

So how does one ‘fuck the world’? The word that is initially conjured up for me is ‘aggressively’, but that is quickly followed by the words ‘deeply’ and ‘passionately’, both of which feel more significant and expansive than the later.

Does ‘fucking’ have to be impersonal and dissociative or can it actually be done in a way to express unbounded love in a way that penetrates even deeper? Throwing a bullet at someone does not make much of an impact, but firing it with directionality and intent shows a passion and caring. I am pretty sure that everyone is paying attention at that point. In modern society, the act of firing a weapon at someone means there is a significant chance that you will lose your freedom. Other than defense of self or certain others, there is no one in the world that is worth losing my freedom for. Perhaps I am just too selfish though. So to run with that, wouldn’t the act of ‘fucking’ indicate caring about someone more than oneself. I never thought I would say this, but perhaps humans should consider being more selfish. Another way to say all of this from a lighter spiritual perspective is "there are few things worth losing your peace for”.

I have recently redefined my interpretation of old ‘go fuck yourself’. Now, I actually want to go fuck myself! Again, I am not talking sexually necessarily, but instead energetically. It would be my pleasure in a literal, figurative, and metaphorical sense for me to fuck myself. In fact I will take it across all spectrums and realities. Yeesssss… please and thank you for the encouragement.

So let us come back, is there an opportunity to infuse the making of love with the oscillation of intensity and passion that comes with fucking? I think so, although in all contexts is almost certainly better to ease it in slowly to ensure the energy is flowing similar directions, else it be startling and is just bad manners.

I love the feeling of infusing the outward expressions of my essences with gentleness, depth, and intensity. In this moment, that feels like the fullness of my expressions.

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Be the Agent of your life.

Allow and encourage others to be the Agent of theirs. Otherwise they will eventually resent you.

Webster's Definition of Agency

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A glowing thread is tangled in the confusions of the past and it is enamoring. It quickly moves. We grab hold as we fly through the previously untieable knots of what it means to exist and magically, it begins to release as we hold on for the process. No force. No pressure. Ravaged in surrender and in awe of this miraculous unthreading in the untethering.

Forgiveness exists through these varying detanglements. Forgiveness of Self. Forgiveness of others. Forgiveness of hurt, wrongs, slights, misdeeds, missed words, and misfortunes. A firm hold and trust is required for what we are about to experience in the process of this universal untanglement.

Life in this world gives scars from a young age, many open wounds that are awaiting healing. Somehow our challenge is to find the allowance of love, buckle up, and appreciate the effortlessness of love in motion.

The ride may be rough and long, perhaps with many breaks along the away. There is not a destination and it exists beyond time. But standing in faith, slowly the black and whites begin to regain colors in hues. A sharpness comes to the perception that allows things that once blended seamlessly into the background to pop out in the foreground. The bright vibrancy often comes last. Eventually the world appears anew, yet the world is the same. We are the same, yet somehow have regained the beautiful perceptions lost somewhere in the trauma of childhood.

This is different and exhilarating. Finding delightful appreciation in the simple things gives way for pleasure. Ripe for the appreciation available through these new lenses of forgiveness. The healing through love. It is the only path that leads to feeling good.

The pureness of both holding and sharing borderless and boundless space with and for another is the greatest gift one could give. The gift of being a non-judgemental witness of another’s Human Experience. Free of stricturing, agendas, and the need for sense making or meaning. The gift of fucking being fully present for all of their humanness creates a level of intimacy that allows for a sliver of the infinite to be experienced.

A simple, “I gotchu” somehow melts through all of the armor and rust that built up over the years. The calousnessed heart begins to regenerate with softness.

This is simultaneously terrifying and empowering to be seen in raw nakedness, exposed and open. The fear fades within minutes and the intimacy experienced with Self and other is beyond the full expression possible in words.

Truth may be found in the vulnerability, but Truth exists in layers. Each layer requiring another prompt and courage. We deserve the Truth of the Truth of the Truth. And somewhere in there lies the golden nugget of awareness. We will know it when we experience it.

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7/14/2023 - Rumspringa yoga log. Day 1.

The conscious touch class backfired. Got paired with a dude. I've only said out loud, "what the fuck are you doing" at least 5 times today.

What I have learned so far:

1. Do not be down wind of hippies. That stank travels longer distances than you think and it is amazingly difficult to figure out who the culprit is.

2. Primitive dance involves a lot of rolling around on the ground and is a lot more difficult than you might imagine.

7/15/2023 - Rumspringa yoga log. Day 2:

During a speaker this morning the woman sitting next to me whipped her tit out and started breastfeeding her baby. No cover. Just a raw ripe melon. I experienced jealousy towards that baby but fortunately the Monk that was speaking was discussing no attachment, dualism, and the escalation of emotions from angry to the cause of suffering. That helped calm me down and find compersion for that young child. I like to think we moved through that experience together.

On a separate but related note, I think public breast feeding is a great practice and it will definitely be part of my presidential campaign.

There are also a lot of naked small children running around. Good for them.

And lastly, if hippies smell bad on day 1 of camping, they smell worse day 2. That shit does not get better.

That’s all for now.

7/16/2023 - Rumspringa yoga log. Day 3:

I experienced acro yoga today which for those of you not in the know means acrobatic yoga. Yes, I played foot airplane with grown ass adults. It was a cool experience, but I think I’ll stick to my downward facing dog. At the end they had the 20 adults line up in two lines facing directly towards each other about 20 feet apart; directing everyone to their elbows and knees. We then proceeded to chant ‘mini tank’ as we aggressively, but slowly marched towards each other, simulating tanks in battle. The anticipation was daunting until you finally made contact with a person directly across from you. It was the human equivalent of rhinoceroses chasing each other around in slow motion as people continue to slowly, but surely ram into each other; trying to flip each other over which at times turned into a rolling dog pile. It was all actually quite a lot of fun, and I would strongly suggested whether it be for a team building exercise, or just foreplay.

Additionally, I attended an energetics workshop today where this pregnant woman was in a belly shirt with her entire lower boobs hanging out, including the bottom parts of the pancake areolas. It was oddly appeasing, freeing, and incredibly natural feeling. At one point she got up walked about 20 feet behind a tree and I’m pretty sure she took a piss. That was the second time I witnessed a female do that in the middle of a class and you know what? I love peeing outside and I think everyone should have that delightful experience.

Also, at this point, I’m becoming numb to hairy armpits on women. Some still get me but overall it’s kind of a non-issue. However, thick, dark hairy legs are quite the turn off still.

I attended a really great breathwork session in the afternoon by the gentleman that organized and put on the festival. He goes by ‘Vibe’. I told him he had a good vibe and he agreed. The mental, emotional, and physical sensations in the breath work were very cool. After the session was over, and we were slowly starting to move again, I had tears come to my shut eyes. I experienced the sensation of seeing colors some of which I could play with a bit. I’ve had more graphic experiences before on psychedelics and as a child I remember painting and designing in my head with very vivid visuals. I have lamented over the years, every so often, about how that ability has slowly faded to the point of almost disappearing. I use to be able to create something in my mind and almost rotated around dimensionally, shifting and transforming it as I played. I would bring the visual representation of what I was creating into my consciousness and be able to see it in my minds eye. That has escaped me in adulthood. I can still create and design in my head, but I’ve been missing the fluidity of connecting the visual components and fully seeing it in consciousness. It’s almost like I can create it, but the image itself stays in the subconscious, and only allows me to see the inputs and outputs that go into making it a reality in the world. Similar to designing a house, I can create sets of blueprints that are different for the layout, the electrical, plumbing, etc and then my brain will give me the final output of the overall blueprint, but it won’t allow me to consciously lay each one over itself; shifting and rotating and creating in the process.

I am coming to believe that it is the playful layering and twirling in the creation process where one derives the highest form of magical meaning spiced with joy. The end result is the end result, and although it’s satisfying, it’s often lackluster and rather fleeting. The pleasure is derived in the process of creation, not the result of it. It was a real gift to experience that again even for a short glimpse. The smallest cracks are where the light starts to shine through and I can play with that.

After the small closing ceremony, the last class of the festival was called a ‘contact improv dance workshop’. Initially I was not going to attend because I’m generally not a fan of improv or dance, but there was nothing else going on and both have been something that I’ve been avoiding for quite some time. At this point, most of the faces were mildly familiar and there was a nervous excitement around what the class actually was. They began by having about 30 people walk around head straight towards the ground, eyes open. There was a lot of guidance around feeling your feet in the ground and in the movement. Feeling how your body weight shifts with the contact points of the ground. Everyone was barefoot on concrete. I thought to myself, this must be how zombies feel. And then they would call stop and you found a partner that was closest to you. Male female it didn’t matter. You then proceeded to put your hands together, and slowly start leaning into each other, feeling the contact points of the hands and putting body weight into each other to the point where if the other person moved you would trip but be able to catch yourself. It was a fine line of leaning and weight distribution, and you had to find it with a complete stranger. Each round shifting partners, and shifting the movements. After hands, you moved to touching backs, to touching elbows, and then it got interesting. One person was the Earth and the other person was Water. The earth had to move and provide a foundational support for water, and it was the waters job to flow over the Earth, so as the Earth move down the water person with slowly flow in bend over the earth human. It was all kinds of different, sharing, body weight while in the form of movement. Roles were switched, and then completely removed where there was no leader or follower. Both parties were feeling the touch and their supportive body weights, finding the momentum and without speaking, Intuitively finding and fumbling forward in a the symbiotic movement of life. Coming together and pulling apart. Staying connected, but not to intertwined at least not for too long. A supportive mutual individuation if you will. You often ended up rolling on the floor with the other person, shifting and rolling on top of you and then finding a way to support each other and find the movement in motion to shift the energy upwards, back into a standing position. There is a beauty and fluidity in the movement and it required one to be fully present and intuitively connected with themselves and their partner dancing in this game that is a metaphor for life. And then it got even more interesting… groups were shifted and you were now one of three in a group. Now, three humans had to figure out how to maintain at least one point of contact on the other two while moving, dancing, flowing and supporting each other‘s bodyweight from standing, to kneeling, to crawling, and rolling on the ground. There was a part of it that was consistently uncomfortable, but that gave way to the learning of appreciation for the energy, flow, and human essence of expression with each individual, regardless of physical attributes, or hippie stank. If one of those fuckers have head lice them we all have it now. Also I’m going to start a petition that anybody that participates in such experience must first put on deodorant. I didn’t realize smelling like BO by proxy was a thing, but by the end of it I changed into a different shirt. Amazing experience but much like riding a high speed European train, body odor never enhances the experience.

Earlier in the day, I met a woman in one of the classes. She was there with her friend and each of them had brought their four / five-year-old daughters. They had solid mom energy and were very conscientious with their mothering. We exchanged a few words in some of the classes and sat next to each other in a circle that was designed where each person had a light touch on both sides next to them. Initially hands were on the back and eventually she moved them to my leg after asking permission. I felt comfortable with it and I both noticed and enjoyed that her hand placement was moderately high up on my thigh. I cannot say I thought much of it at that point or there was some huge connection, but there was a warmth and pleasantness in her energy. At the end, we shared what most would feel was uncomfortably long eye contact. I don’t know how long it lasted but perhaps 20 or 30 seconds and it boiled with intentionality and intimacy. The kind of eyes that see through and pierce into the soul in a way where you quickly realize there’s nowhere to hide, but at the same time there’s a gentleness where you also realize you don’t need too. It was the first deep romantic connection that I had with someone since parting with Sarah some 2.5 months back. There was/is a beauty and a peace in it. An allowance and a trust of the unknown. A vacation of the need to make meaning outside of appreciation for the past and present moments. It was all kinds of beautiful.

There is a balanced embodiment of femininity flowing through her and it was clear that she has been cultivating it for quite some time; playing, shifting, and flowing. I experience delight and appreciation for those aspects of her selfhood.

There was some push/pull energy throughout the evening, but in a peaceful and playful way. When she got to the pavilion after putting her daughter to sleep she stepped on to the dance floor, holding what I would learn was a walkie-talkie closely to her ear. This bitch had a baby monitor on the dance floor and was rocking it in a quite sexy way. After some time while I was sitting on a picnic table, having a conversation with someone, she came up to me and asked me to hold, said walkie-talkie, because ‘her neck was hurting, and I was in a quiet space’. I don’t know exactly quite what I expected for a woman’s flirting game at a yoga festival in New Mexico, but I thought hers was subtly on point. I obliged in a state of partial confusion on her intentions, and with a mindful curiosity. I attached it to my hoodie hood so I could easily hear it next to my ear, which was no inconvenience. After a period of time I slowly made my way to the dance floor, where we shared acknowledgment and some connection and movement although nothing overt. Eventually she asked me to dance and then, after a bit, we separated. It was a nice individuation although slightly confusing, as it was quite different than what I had experienced in the years prior. Once the music stopped, we came together, both of us not really knowing exactly what to do next, but feeling enough connectedness where we wanted to move in the same direction. It was comfortably uncomfortable. We went and sat with her friends by the fire and as people slowly went to bed, there was only us, wrapped in a sleeping bag and layered with clothes, attempting to stay warm, we laid there, talking about life, love, ourselves, and taking a genuinely nonjudgmental curiosity in the other. Neither needed the other to be anything other than themselves in that moment and that is a very freeing experience Our lips went from inches apart to touching; both of us agreeing to wait in anticipation of that first full kiss. It’s quite the experience to breathe somebody’s air directly from their mouth without fully embracing them in the traditional way. A strange but beautiful sensation of sharing. We shared different parts of ourselves, dreams, delights, sorrows, past and future. We took turns, holding each other in ways that some couples may never truly experience in a lifetime. It just feels different to hold the inside of somebody and not just the outer shells and I don’t mean in a sexual way.

I told her about Gracie, Bennett, and Liv, and the pain and sorrow I’ve recently been experiencing in missing those kids. She invited me to grieve: offering to bear witness and hold space for me as an individual human outside of the context of her or us. My experience was mine, and it did not dilute or threaten our connection. One of the truest and selfless gifts you can give to someone is being a nonjudgmental witness of their human experience, while providing the supportive energy of love and the guidance of wisdom and clarity that only detachment brings. I have experienced that a few times in the past to varying degrees, but this was the kind of experience that tingles your heart cavity from the inside out and then does it again as you tell the story.

We played with touching each other in different ways. It was rather mesmerizing to feel parts of her body shake gently beneath my hand, as I slowly and intentionally felt her in both a sensual way and in the most human of ways. The tingles and the touches, the shifting and flowing erotic energy in a way that did not require penetration. We made it to second base, skipping first, and then coming back to it, but in so many ways, it was like being on all bases together at the same time. A good ol’ fashioned mind and soul fuck.

We kept talking about going to bed, realizing it was late, but we shared presence for six hours through the night and it was the best kind. The kind of presence where six hours feels like only one. Eventually around 4 AM, presumably, we shared the first real physical kiss, although our minds were making out long before. Gentle and light, followed by depth and passion.

We lay their counting shooting stars, laughing, touching, and sharing multiple expressions of each other’s essence. Eventually, a shallow light came to the horizon, and we both realized that was our queue. Standing up, embracing, kissing, and then coming back for one final kiss, based on each other’s look and smile. There was a delight in the goodbye for now, as opposed to a longing.

I don’t know what the future holds and I do not think either of us needed it to be anything more than it was. We’re different but connected and that’s more than enough. I’m excited with the experience of possibly having more physical connection at some point but I believe both of us have some peace in what was shared regardless of physical presence now or in the future. A gentle surrender to the feeling of love, regardless of its potential or impermanence. Which all begs the question, is there ever really any impermanence to love?

Sometimes god saves the best for last.

7/17/2023 - Rumspringa yoga log. Day 4:

I woke this morning after three hours of sleep with a smile on my face in an odd feeling of a hangover, even though I consumed no alcohol or drugs last night. Perhaps the sleeplessness. Perhaps sleeping in the back of an SUV with no mattress. Or perhaps the hangover of a genuine and raw, sharing of oneself with another. I don’t know for certain. Today I drive to Ouray and stay the night. I’m curious what the next adventure will be and these mountains are beautiful. I’m checking into a place called St. Elmo which reminded me of the cool natural phenomenon of St. Elmo’s Fire. We will see if it lives up to the name.

St. Elmo's Fire

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To the best of my momentary comprehension, life seems to be a repetitive journey of returning to self, remembering what we somehow already know, and figuring out that we actually had it all along. A recursive and sometimes violent tilt-a-wheel of returning to Home if you will.

Life is basically like the characters from Wizard of Oz fucked the cast of Gilligan’s Island.

Why Wizard of Oz?  I’m glad you asked…

Wizard of Oz highlights good and evil, and each character believes that they are missing something inside of themselves to the point where they need to seek it outside of themselves. They go on a long, dangerous journey, overcoming obstacles and becoming heroes in their own ways.  When they finally meet the great all powerful Oz, they are humbled when they realize that he is nothing more than a man and not even a very good man at that. In some ways less of a man… riddled with insecurities, self doubt, and seeking external validation. A man that was just trying to fill a avoid in his existence through fakery and bravado, which was simply a different manifestation of looking outside of themselves. It is not much different than what they had been doing through their journey. After all, they realized what they thought they were missing, had been with them all along. Their journey gave them the confidence to believe it and the conviction to remember it.

That repetition learning seems to be a heavy aspect of our human condition. It is easy to seek answers outside of ourselves and absolutely useful to accelerate growth, but outsourcing our accountability and responsibility seems to usually end in heartache and disappointment from my experience. No one else can do it for you, they do not want too, and in reality you do not really fucking want them to anyways. Disempowerment is a quick breeder of resentment.

So how does the orgy of existence represented in Gilligan’s Island possibly run a train on the heartless Tinman?  I’m glad you asked….

Gilligan’s Island better exemplifies the complicated nature of the darkness that exists in our humanness. Each character is a representation of the 7 deadly sins (credit to Peter Thiel HERE). The Wizard of Oz oversimplifies the characters in the journey. When our sinful type natures run the show, it becomes quite difficult to realize that what we are seeking, we truly have all along. It complicates, shadows, misdirects, and hides the simplicity with complexity with the icing of mind fuckery.

Seek long enough and we may find though… or… perhaps we will just get so worn out that we decide to starve the ‘buts’ and feed the simplicity in love. Following the heart rarely leads astray in the long term.

A thank you to my friend Josh for a random message reminding me of something I had told him about the feeling of Home being one of the best feelings to experience. And a big thank you and fuck you to my parents for raising me in Kansas, where I will be forever haunted by Dorothy and Toto jokes. It is a great place to be FROM. Still there is no place like home, but fortunately it is not there anymore.

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I’m a firm believer that the most impactful emotion that can ever be felt is the act of crying and laughing at the same time for an an extended period. I don’t know what it is but those are the situations that burn in your memory.  Pain fades, joy is replaced, but when you put both tears and laughter together, there’s something quintessential about the humanism in it. 

It’s kind of like electrolytes with the salt and sugar. You don’t want them to go together, but they do and they go hard 😘

I also really like the feeling of fully letting tears dry. Literally sitting there with the tears and feeling every small tightening of evaporation pulling on the skin. Literally, letting the emotion both sink in and float away; being there for all of it.

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Once upon a time...called tonight, I was walking down to the park this evening, you know… catching a little bit of the sunset… when I walked up on this thing that is sitting next to a park bench in the shadows. At first I thought it was a llama and then I looked over and there was a 3 year old playing on the play ground nearby with his mom and grandma. Apparently the kid didn’t like his stuffed camel that was named, Jerome 🐫 (Jerome had two humps so quick shout out to Steve Jobs for making 2 camel emojis with one 🐪 and two 🐫 humps… how very inclusive). They had brought it down to the park to give it away and you know what? I was that lucky person!!!

So in a moment of stupidity, I decided to adopt Jerome. He looks so sad and I would hate for him to stay out in the dark alone all night. Well, that was before I realize that I was about a half mile from home and it was 110 degrees in the Arizona summer. But at that point, I was committed so I piggybacked Jerome over my shoulders.

I made a few new friends along the way, and totally scared the shit out of one dog. Oddly enough the dog’s owner did not even notice that I had a 6 foot long camel that was 5 feet tall, gunny sacked over my shoulders.

Now at this point I still was not sure exactly what I was going to do with my new soft and stuffed friend Jerome, but we were bonding and that is what was important.

About half way through the rather sweaty and scratchy walk, I decided that I needed to let go of exactly what I was going to do with Jerome, if I had enough time to play with him?, if he would be happy?, if I could really love him like he deserves to be loved?, and how committed I really was to giving him a home?…. in my home. Perhaps he would’ve been better suited somewhere else?

All important questions, but I chose to surrender and trust my mischievously creative parts. It was such a relief and burden taken off 😮‍💨.

And as I was almost home and hit me… a friend of mine lives right down the street from me. And so I decided to give away my new best friend to an old best friend.

Personally, I think Jerome is going to be very happy to see Curtis or his wife tomorrow and Jerome will definitely be the best “Welcome to the Morning” camel there has ever been! Personally, I think everyone deserves at least two humps in the morning! Surely it will be love at first sight when one of them opens their front door…

AND TO ALL A GOODNIGHT 🌙

Also I started writing that story thinking I was only going to write a sentence or two. I had so much delight writing it that I’ve had to restart trying to watch ‘Eat Pray Love’ 4 times on Netflix.

Now I don’t know if that means that I should just not be watching ‘Eat Pray Love’ because well… yeah… or if that means I’m really in the wrong line of work.

So what happened????? I am glad you asked…

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The following was my initial message:

So first off, I really enjoy the energy of your profile, specifically your directness 😃

Secondly, and I’m only bringing this up because you said it in your profile, what actually constitutes a big dick? I’m guessing it’s the physical member and we’re not talking about Lizzo’s unifying theory of ‘Big Dick Energy’ (BDE as the kids say 😉).

And that brings up a related topic, what actually is the right way to measure a dick to see if said dick meets the standard of ‘big’? As a man, science still has not told me whether you measure from the top, the side, or underneath. Hard or soft? Personally I really think it should be a ratio of length to girth, but since the US won’t even switch to the metric system, I’ve kind of given up hope on that becoming adopted into main stream pop culture.

Also, all of the above is a lot easier for me to say because I feel quite solid about my dick. We’ve been through a lot of hard times together, lots of ups and downs, plenty of sticky situations, and you know what?… we are still friends! If it were ever allowed back on Yelp then my 5 star reviews would finally be public again! I mean if Trump is allowed back on Twitter, then surely there’s hope for my dick.

Okay, that was all a lot and I hope you picked up my playfulness and sarcasm in it all 😄.

Also hiii. Nice to meet you 👋🏻 🙃😁

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Hey You - When I open my eyes to you in the morning a wave of gratitude and appreciation washes through my body, zipping and zagging my soul awake… well, at least the majority of mornings.☺️

I could spend hours admiring your face… a face that never gets old… your energy smoothing your wrinkles in my eyes. The curves of your body seem to follow the waves of sunlight. The breathgiving ‘awe’ experienced in the flow of your movements.

I need to be able to speak of you in a way that makes women jealous, men envious, and you both soaking wet and melt at the same time. Admiration is the purest form of love. Yet there are endless opportunities in love and sheer delight to be had in our uncovering. Our will is untethered through love… creating an allowance for commitment. The potency is unearthly as it travels through the senses and is utterly transcendental. Love is to be experienced, shared, tasted, smelled and not just by us. Like a bad sewer line, the scent travels, drawing the conscious attention of those in its vicinity. A forcefield of sorts providing protection, power, inspiration, and limitless energy. One of the many mysteries of history.

We are the earthly and existential embodiment of mutual: adoration, reverence, communion, creation, and partnership. You provide your chest to lay my head on when I need to hear the heartbeat of life. A friend and companion in exploration, fun, and tribulation. We bask in the feeling of, “I would go anywhere with you” that builds our deep sense of Home, ever-present.

We share practices that allow and encourage our gentle self-awareness, connection, individuation, and growth through the expansions and contractions of existence. Exhale. Inhale… Breathing the other’s air with foreheads connected, almost glued, our eyes gazing; transfixed by the wonderment of the galaxies contained in those miraculous, beautiful marbles directly across; little soul windows, shutters open. A look turns darkness into light, illuminating a room beyond its walls. The whisper of ‘Hey You’ as my lips brush over your soft lips. Our soul recognizes ourselves in the other. The blurring of reality overlaid with frames of our other timelines as if they are glimmering through the static fuzz of an old TV. The pleasantly unpleasant experience of the universe tuning each of us as the images smooth in moments of transparency simply to be acquired. Hours are experienced as minutes. There is no place for Time in such a moment. We know that death does not part.

Our tantalizing ineffability of love in motion (verb). Your smile, your wink, our hug that transmutes the moment, blasting through all lifetimes of history; eternity. A linear line cannot capture our beginning and end. Only a circle can near suffice. The alpha, the omega exist directly next to each other on the curvature. Neighbors… foreheads touching, eyes connected. It shocks our minds, tickles our soul, rivets our chests, and flips the switch of deep knowing that lies in our core.

Forgiveness bleeds until it creates clots. As the other, it is a privilege to both witness and experience your fullness in all expressions. You are perfectly imperfect. It is no longer about ‘needing too’ or even ‘wanting too’. It is about ‘getting too’ and that is somewhere beyond significant. Actions infused with love are the outward expression of my deep inner Caring.

Perhaps finally, the realization of the pure simplicity of Love; the energy that contains all emotions. The only one that exists in a state where the only way to create more of it is by giving it. The gift of love exponentially multiplies when shared. Love cannot be held or stored, else it be lost.

Bodies are simple in comparison, but a necessity for existence in this world, so we delight in holding of hands, an extended embrace, a butt grope much to public, and the pure joy of kissing in a way that evokes an “Ewwww!!!” in children and adults alike.

I read your body eagerly like braille, electrifying you with my touch, playing you like a world renowned string musician plays their instrument, and humming in all of your soft crevices like a harmonica. A real soul screw… A cosmic blowjob…. The enlightenment that comes from being fuccckkkked hard by the universe, but in a good way….. The Spirit and Soul joining Us for group sex. Some real ‘Next Level Love’ shit.

I love you, and I look forward to dancing with you… naked in the middle of a room, just you and I, gazing into each other’s eyes, bodies fit together like the perfect pieces of a puzzle 🧩. Arms, intertwined shoulders connected, hearts bonded. Movement Shifting, in a way that just moves with our natural flow.

Lastly, a “till the fucking wheels fall off…” kind of attitude woven into our tapestry.

~Me

A thank you to Chelsea & Kristine/Oli for somehow managing to separately ask me what I desired in a relationship an hour apart on the same night. The gift of a well timed, curious question can provide a lifetime of blessings.

And thank you to everyone who has shown me what love is, provided contrast, and who have been guinea pigs as I have waywardly stumbled thus far in life. I am sorry, grateful, and you are welcome.

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